Brian Gleason
Brian Gleason is an 8-year old talking white Labrador who has lived with the Gleason family since Homer picked him up as a stray. He also possesses various anthropomorphic qualities, such as the ability to speak intelligently, drive a car, and walk bipedally. In I Never Met the Dead Man, Jerome Is the New Black, and in the afterparty of Maureen Gleason: The Untold Story, he used the phrase "Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?", which has become a recurring mantra for him, despite only using it three times. He also has a particularly sharp wit. He is the best friend and partner of Maureen, despite Maureen's vastly superior intelligence, and also being one of the best friends of Homer. On several occasions, Brian has had to explain Homer's inability to do various things. Biography Appearance Brian is a white labrador retriever who stands on his hind legs. Like any dog, he is very short, being about twice the size of Stewie. He wears a red collar with a golden, circular tag on it. Personality Brian Gleason is a very intelligent and sophisticated dog. He is the most human member of the entire family, despite being an animal. He serves as the voice of reason to the entire family and is usually the one who stays calm in moments where everyone else is bouncing off the walls and acting crazy. Brian is very poetic and philosophical and he thinks a lot about everything. He's a self-proclaimed writer for a series of books that he's looking to get published and he takes events from his everyday life and puts them into words. Although he seems to be very flawless and perfect, as the series progressed, it is shown that deep down, Brian is a very self-centered, egotistical man who sees himself as a much better person than he is, and thinks very little about the feelings of others. He is a pretentious douchebag who likes to describe himself, using flowered dialogue, in attempt to make other people see him as an amazing person in order to receive that kind of respect. A lot of the time, he just uses this persona in order to get women to sleep with him. He'll often times to go a bar or a restaurant and use a bunch of douchey, cheesy, cringe worthy pickup lines on them, and try to woo them over with his self-righteous descriptions of himself. He claims to love women for their personalities, but it's obvious he only wants to have sex with them. Sometimes, he doesn't even know what it is he's talking about and just acts like he does because his ego feeds off of the appreciation of others. In his defense, though, his egotistical need to be appreciated could come from the fact that he barely had any time to spend with his mother and father, so he never received any appreciation from them. That, and he is often being ignored in his current family no matter how right he is. Because the way politics work in the Gleason family is that when stupidity faces off against intelligence, stupidity always wins big time. Even still, he is ungrateful to Homer, who allows him to live in his house with him and pays his own money to keep him pampered and well-fed. Brian never pays for his own purchases and lets Homer handle all of it. Brian also always condescends down on him and treats him like an idiot. Granted, Homer is, in fact a total idiot and he does a lot of stupid things, which is undeniable, but Brian acts very rude toward him when he does this stuff, while other members of the family, are a bit more respectful. Brian is also way too open about his political and religious beliefs, always going around spouting a bunch of reasons why being a Democrat and a Left-Wing Liberal is the way to go and why he's a genius for doing that. He is also very douchey about being an Atheist, believing that religious people are stupid for believing in their "childish fantasies". He is also very proud of being a Prius owner and needs everyone around him to know that he's being "helpful to the environment" by owning one. As the seasons have been going on, Brian's negative personality traits have only been getting more and more noticeable, to the point where he basically knows what he's doing is wrong, but he does it anyway.